Why aren’t feminist owned stored ever successful? Because of the signs that say, “DON’T PATRONIZE ME!”
I just made that up.
A law school classmate, let’s call him “Blaine,” sent me one of those stupid Christian chain letters, the kind with 200 people on the cc list, one that asks in broken, hyperventilating Engrish, Christian readers to support Dr. James Dobson in stopping some petition to the FCC–
“Their petition, Number 2493, would ultimately pave the way to stop the reading
of the gospel of our Lord and Savior, on the airwaves of America. They got 287,000 signatures to back their stand! If this attempt is successful, all Sunday worship services being broadcast on the radio or by television will be stopped. This group is also campaigning to remove all Christmas programs and Christmas carols from public schools! ! You as a Christian can help!
We are praying for at least 1 million signatures. This would defeat their effort and show that there are many Christians alive, well and concerned about our country. As Christians, we must unite on this. Please don’t take this lightly. We ignored one lady once and lost prayer in our schools and in offices across the nation.”
It goes on to they beg you to add your name to this stupid list and forward the email on to others. Goddamned religious Amway this is.
Blaine is a guy I went to law school with. Good ole boy, smooth, slick, good w/ women, about 45 by now, used to be a “bad boy,” play in rock band, several marriages, etc.–finally “found Jesus” and settled down.
I told him, “Blaine, I love you, but jesus, if I get an email from you every 17 months, does it have to be this blue collar crap? Normie”
In his reply, he told me he was busy and in his new firm, he has a very smart attorney, who could maybe email me something next time.
My reply: “congrats on the new firm, sounds great. You should visit me on your next trip to Houston.
“As for these emails, it’s just beneath you. Aside from the religious aspects, it’s just the kind of email passed along by uneducated, illiterate, blue-collar, Oprah-watching, Amway-selling, cigarette smoking, Lake Charles gambling, NASCAR watching, Bush-voting, chain-letter passing, horoscope reading dumbasses with too much time on their hands. Not that I have any kind of opinion on it or anything. :)”
see also The Irreplaceable Jeff Tucker (Tucker’s Rules of Thumb for Living)
Earlier today, I posted a reply to this blog post: I said something like, “only idiots use spellcheckers.”
Jeff Tucker took it down, but he told me he liked it. I thought that strategy was brilliant.
Later, in response to this blog post, I posted this comment: “Motioned, that the sissy phrase “hat tip” be forever banned from blogs. ” A couple hours later, it was still up, so I asked Jeff what is the deal. Later, I saw … Jeff then took that one down too! I yelled at him and he says, “oh I loved that comment. I was so sorry it fell outside the editorial needs of the blog comment section.”
That is hilarious and brilliant!
Hey Jeff–let’s see you TAKE THIS POST DOWN!!! HA HA HA HA!
Update: 5 November, 2025, Swithun Dobson, Ep. 167: Time, Clock changes, and Industrialization. Something libertarians always go apeshit about (see various Twitter posts). See also https://youtu.be/8HRgLMhY8wg?si=LRMM2NDo_Wcdgw1G
It’s extremely annoying when you are setting the time on some digital clock and it asks you if you are currently in daylight savings time. How the hell am I supposed to know? I vaguely remember the “Spring Forward, Fall Back” rule, and can re-construct from there whether we have most recently set the clock forward, or back, and hour, but I have no idea which one is the normal, or “default” time, and which is the “adjusted” time. All I know is one is an hour ahead of the other. I must have missed that lecture in elementary school.
Must have also missed the lecture about the holidays. How are we supposed to know when all these bizarre holidays are, like Memorial Day, Labor Day… I’ll be working and wife will say, “you know next weekend is the memorial day holiday, right?” and I had no clue it was creeping up on us; for all I know it’s another 8 months away. And don’t get me started on stupid Holidays like Easter that are based on the damned solstice etc.
One day, I was 16 or so, I happened to spill three glasses of milk or water etc. in the course of one day. A cup of coffee spilled at breakfast, maybe a glass of milk at dinner, and a then another glass of milk … Little did I know but with each spill my paranoid dad was getting ever more paranoid. After the third one, he gets this bug-eyed look and yells, “ARE YOU ON DRUGS?!!!” and I just burst out laughing, infuriating him.
- Enstrom’s Toffee
- Macadamia nuts
- green olives
- BLT (with avocado) and tall glass of milk
- Chips Ahoy and a short glass of milk
- Pizza Hut pizza (thin crust, pepperoni, shrooms, peppers, olives, onions)
- Taco bell tacos
- deviled eggs
- smoked gouda cheese w/ red pinot noir
- probably Popeye’s popcorn chicken, but I’m afraid to try it
- philly cheesesteak (best I ever had was from the Pepper Mill in West Chester, PA)
- beignets (and doughnuts)
- kolaches
On occasion, also:
- egg sammich
- Chicken big mamou pasta
- chicken fried steak
- fried okra
- grits and bacon and eggs scrambled and cooked in the bacon grease — for dinner
- jambalaya
- fried chicken and rice with dirty, dark gravy
- tater tots ‘n ketchup
- corn chips and french onion dip
- cheese coney
- Copa Too’s fries (potatoe and sweet potato and onions etc.)
- Chick-Fil-A sammich
- Small McDonald’s hamburger (no cheese)
- Bloomin’ Onion at Outback or Chili’s
- boiled peanuts (maybe dropped into a cold bottle of Coke)
What else is Daddy missing?
For some reason, I despise Roy Orbison. Too … Blue Velvet/John Waters-ish. And those I know who really love Orbison are all weirdos.
I noticed recently that “relax!” has become one of my most-used words lately. I tell it to my insane standard poodle, Boudreaux (aka Mr. Boo!) when he starts acting crazy, whimpering to chase squirrels and what not; I tell it to my 17 month old baby, E-dog, when he starts whining or fussing or squirming (e.g., to avoid a shirt-change or nail-clipping or tooth-brushing); I tell it to my wife, Her Royal Fatness, when she starts unnecessarily (or do I repeat myself) bitching about some trivial thing.
Knock Knock.
–Who’s there?
Cow go.
–Cow go who?
No, Cow go moo.
Another one: you say, “Hey, wanna hear a good knock-knock joke?”
The predictable response: “Okay.”
You say, “Okay, you start.”
So they say, “Umm…… knock-knock?”
You say nothing. Just look at them and wait.
A yankee leftist acquaintance of mine sent me an email shortly after the election telling me that before I gloat about Bush’s victory (I replied that my candidate, the Libertarian, lost too), I might find the attached chart of interest–he attached that chart showing IQ by red and blue state. The chart is pretty striking in that the average IQ of almost every red state is below that of the blue states. No doubt this is intended to show that Democrats are smarter than Republicans. I suppose it was widely circulated by all the miffed liberals–“we may have lost, but at least we are smarter,” they must be thinking. (BTW, there’s a fairly plausible argument by Steve Sailer that Kerry is slightly dumber than Bush is.)
What is hypocritical about this chart is that it is circulated by the same people who bristled at Charles Murray’s comments about race and IQ in The Bell Curve. Coda: a reader sent me a link to The 2004 IQ Wars: So Much For The Candidates—What About The Voters?, where Sailer makes the hypocrisy point at greater length.
The assholes here made ridiculous, slanderous charges against me regarding anti-semitism. I posted a reply. I’m sick of this whole disgusting PC movement.
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